This year has in many ways been the best and worst year of my life. I started it out, newly pregnant and constantly throwing up. It was hell. They say you forget how awful being pregnant is once you have that sweet baby. They lie. Most of this year was physically miserable for me. I spent very little time in the kitchen.

And then I met my sweet girl. And everything changed. As harrowing as those first few weeks were, they led to more joy then I could possibly comprehend. I have a feeling 2013 will be the best year yet. Filled with giggles, first steps, and a million more firsts. I can’t wait for it all. Happy New Years boys and girls. I’ll be toasting to my tiny girl tonight.

Holidays for me are filled with food memories. As a child, that is what sticks out the most. My parents big blue cookie tin, that seemed to be filled with unending amounts of chocolate chip cookies. My aunts house smelling like cinnamon and clove, while cider bubbled away on the stove. Oatmeal muffins that my father and grandfather made every year. This is probably why my favorite gifts to give are homemade and edible. Here’s what my holiday gifts looks like this year:

Chocolate covered cherry cookies.

Irish creams.

Brown butter ginger.

Clementine jam.

And my favorite this year, maple honey granola with cherries and cranberries. Sooooo good. Alas I had even more plans for food gifts, but life got in the way. Somehow I managed to pull off the jam and granola the day before gifts were due. There’s always next year for grandeur. This year was full to the brim with baby.

Maple Honey Granola

1/3cup honey
1/3 cup maple syrup
1/3 cup veg oil
1/4 cup brown sugar
2 tsp vanilla
4 cups oats
2 cups puffed rice cereal
1 cup slivered almonds
1 tsp cinnamon
Pinch salt
1 cup dried cherries
1 cup dried cranberries

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In a small pan heat honey, maple syrup, oil and brown sugar. Once sugar is melted removed from heat and add vanilla. In a large bowl combine oats, cereal, almonds, cinnamon and salt. Pour syrup mixture over granola making sure everything is evenly coated. Spread granola on 2 parchment lined cookie sheets. Bake until golden, approximately 10 minutes, stirring once halfway through baking. Once cooled add dried cherries and cranberries.

I’ve been thinking all week, about how to write a post for you, about something I cooked, and the words just aren’t coming to me. Something has changed in this country since last Friday. Something shifted. Or maybe it’s just me. Maybe being a new mother to a child who came dangerously close to death has made me more fragile. Seeing something so brutal and awful happen, it seems to have sort of broken us as a whole. Did things this atrocious always happen in our society and we only now live in a world of instant media to broadcast it? It seems like there’s something wrong, something broken, inside of all of us. I watched the coverage, while my tiny babe slept peacefully next to me, and looked at her beautiful face and lost it. I just kept imagining what it must have felt like to be one of those parents, rushing to that school to pick up your baby, and just waiting… I ache for those people. For the whole town. For our entire society to have to confront what is wrong with us. Because that’s just it. This keeps happening. People keep picking up guns, and murdering people. And there is something wrong with us. With our culture. With our community. Or lack there of. I apologize for this rant. For not talking about chocolatey cookies, or doughy cinnamon rolls. But some things are simply too much to stomach. Simply too hard to stay silent on. I thought about tucking this in a post about Christmas and food, and it just seems so wrong, and disrespectful. So pardon me as I digress. Something needs to change. Somehow, we need to fix our broken country. Begin to care about each other again. Not be so at war with one another. Somehow, we need to try, to breed a climate where are children are safe. And no one, no one, ever has to worry about their child being killed in school.

These past few months I’ve learned what it means to be a parent. I’ve learned how much more important family is to me then I ever knew possible. I’ve watched my husband turn into the most wonderful father possible. And I’ve seen the amazing process of my own father turning into a grandpa. It really is something quite wonderful. There was a time, when I thought I didn’t want kids, and wondered how my parents would feel about never having grandchildren. Thank god I changed my mind, because these grandparents are loving it.

This week was my dads birthday. I knew I wanted to make him something really special this year. He and my mother have been so amazing. They visited us at the hospital almost every single day. For four weeks. And let me tell you, once the terrifying aspect of having your baby in the hospital wears off, it gets really boring, really fast. They took care of our poor dogs when we couldn’t. They brought us food, gifts and hugs.

Now that we’re home they still come by like crazy. I’ve taken to having them over for dinner weekly as well. I don’t think we will ever be able to repay them for everything they have done for us over the years, but food is my way of starting.

I got inspired by these tarts. It was the port reduction that did it for me. My dad and I both share a love of port, so this seemed like the perfect place to start. I decided to cook my reduction down even further then the original recipe suggests. Turning it into something thick, dark, moody and syrupy.

In my mind, this sauce is what makes this dessert. It has that perfect hint of winter to it, slightly spiced, with richness and depth from the port. I kind of impressed myself with this dessert.

It wasn’t difficult, in fact I did most of it while entertaining a baby. I’m fairly certain I narrated the entire cooking process for her. I like this dessert because it seems so elegant, yet it’s beautifully simple. This would be a great way to really wow your dinner guests this holiday season. And you can do it all ahead of time.

p.s. I got a new camera, can you tell? I’m pretty much in love with it.

Pear Tartlets with Spiced Port Reduction

Makes 6 tartlets

For the crust:

6 tablespoons butter
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
3 tablespoons water
1 tablespoon sugar
pinch of salt
1 rounded cup flour

For the filling:

2 large pears, any variety
1/2 cup water
3 tablespoons brown sugar
1/4 teaspoon cinnamon

For the cream

1 cup heavy cream
1/4 cup confectioners sugar
1 vanilla bean

For the spiced port reduction:

1 1/2 cup port wine
1/4 cup sugar
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
Pinch of nutmeg
Pinch of cloves

Directions

1. Preheat oven 410 degrees. In an ovenproof bowl mix butter, vegetable oil, water, sugar and salt. Place in oven and heat for a few minutes until melted and bubbling.

2. Remove from oven and add flour. Mix until dough forms a ball and pulls away from the edges of the bowl. Place dough in tart pans and slowly spread to edges, bring dough up sides as well. Prick bottom of dough several times with a fork. Bake un-filled for approximately 10 minutes until edges just start to brown.

3. While the shells are baking, make the filling. Slice a few thin slices off of the pears to use as garnish. Place slices on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper and sprinkle with sugar. put in the oven, with the oven off, while still warm from making the tart shells. Dice remaining pears. Add to a medium pan, along with water, brown sugar and cinnamon. Cook over medium heat 20-30 minutes until tender. Mash with a potato masher. Push pears through a fine metal sieve to remove skins. Return to heat and cook another 10 minutes. Divide pear purée among tarts. Cool completely.

4. In a small saucepan heat the port, sugar, cinnamon, nutmeg and cloves over medium heat. Bring the mixture to a simmer and cook for 30-45 minutes, until it has reduced by half.

5. In a mixer with the whisk attachment, whip the cream until soft peaks form. Add the seeds from the vanilla bean and confectioners sugar. Whip the cream until stiff peaks form.

Almost like whipped butter.

6. Pipe the cream onto tarts. Arrange your sliced pears on tops of cream. Serve drizzled with spiced port reduction.

So I’m supposed to be frazzled. Sleepless nights, crying jags that never end, irritation with an unhelpful spouse. That’s what being a new mother is all about, right? Somehow, I’m not frazzled, I’m getting more sleep then I ever did while pregnant, and my husband is the most amazing partner and father I could hope for. Truthfully, I am happier then I have ever been before, and wonder how I waited so long to do this. Sometimes I wonder if my expectations are different, if learning to be a mother in the hospital helped, and changed how I look at this. Would it feel this easy, this natural if we had a normal birth and a healthy baby? Does the day to day seem so simple to me only because we started out in such a terrifying place? Or am I just blessed with an easy babe and the mothering gene?

Don’t misunderstand, I still sometimes skip lunch, my house is messier then I prefer to keep it, my cooking and baking are neglected, as are my dogs. But it’s not because I’m worn down. I would rather spend the few nap time hours snuggling this girl then accomplishing tasks most days. She’s growing insanely fast and I want to be as present as possible for every moment.

There are those wonderful times in the evening, where even though she’s fussy, my husband takes her and I spend a little time with some butter, sugar and my oven. Last night I decided to make monkey bread. It’s like making cinnamon rolls only much less precise. Balls of dough get coated in buttery cinnamon goodness, lumped together and baked. It’s so quick and easy, and will serve as my breakfast for the remainder of the week.

Monkey bread is perfect in its simplicity. Little nuggets of yeasty dough, meant to be pulled apart and coat your hands with sticky cinnamon sugar. I was too impatient to wait for rising so I used my quick cook pizza dough recipe for the dough. To make these even more magical, allow the dough to rise for 2 hours after mixing, and another hour after assembling the bread. The addition of maple syrup to the butter could also be quite fantastic. I would suggest a quarter cup.

Monkey Bread

Ingredients

For the dough:

3 cups flour
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup lukewarm water
1 package active dry yeast
1 tablespoon sugar
2 tablespoons vegetable oil

For the filling:

4 tablespoons cinnamon
1/2 cup white sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 stick butter

For the icing:

1/2 cup confectioners sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1-2 tablespoons milk

Directions

1. Make the dough: Combine flour and salt in the bowl of a mixer. Add yeast and sugar to water, let sit for 10 minutes until yeast is foamy. Add vegetable oil. Using a dough hook, pour yeast mixture into flour and beat on medium speed for about 3 minutes. Dough should pull away from the sides and be slightly sticky. Here’s where you decide if you’re impatient and either let the dough rise for 2 hours or begin working with it. With your hands flatten the dough to about a half inch thick. With a serrated knife cut the dough into approximately 1 inch balls.

2. Make the filling: Melt the butter, if you’re adding maple syrup do it here. Combine sugars and cinnamon. Assemble your loafs. I used a mini loaf pan with 8 loafs. You could also use a muffin tin, or a regular loaf pan and just adjust the baking time. Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Grease your pan. Dip the dough nuggets in the butter and then roll them in cinnamon sugar. Divide evenly in pan. Bake for 20 minutes until risen and deep golden.

3. Make the icing: Combine confectioners sugar, vanilla and milk. Drizzle over loaves.

Thanksgiving. It might be my favorite of the holiday season. Maybe because it’s the first. It ushers in all things pumpkin, cinnamon and spice. It makes way for Christmas lights and cocktails punched with bourbon(yes, I can have a cocktail again!!). Thanksgiving somehow seems the most Martha Stewart-y of all the holiday season to me. And there isn’t all the pressure of gifts and running back and forth to numerous places trying to cram it all in. Ah Thanksgiving I love you.

In our house however, we try to remember that what were actually celebrating with this holiday is something atrocious. We prefer to simply celebrate family, turkey and each others company.

This year we decided to make everyone come to us. After all we have a baby. It’s our way of prepping our families for the reality of coming to our house for all holidays eventually. You see you get to do that once you have kids, so get ready family!

I made a turkey. A damn fine one if I do say so myself. A perfect turkey first starts with a good bird. None of that butterball crap. A good turkey is very simple. You just need a good meat thermometer, butter and spices. I don’t know why people panic about making Thanksgiving dinner. I didn’t put forth anymore effort then I do any night I make a meal. You just have to time it out right, and be aware that a bird takes time to cook.

I also made these absolutely delicious apple pie cheesecakes. This was my second time making them. I could eat these things daily. They’re soooooo good.

And then there were leftovers. Oh leftovers how I love you. My favorite part of leftovers is turning them into something new. My fathers cranberry sauce made its way into my weekend breakfast in the form of french toast. It was a phenomenal use of cranberry sauce which I highly recommend. Putting it in a cocktail is always another good use.

This year I hosted my first Thanksgiving. It was easy and laid back. The sweet baby even got her naps in on time.

And this year, she is what I’m thankful for. Every single day.

Perfect Roast Turkey

This isn’t so much a recipe as a method. The ingredients are like a revolving cast of characters, meant to be adjusted as you see fit.

Ingredients

1 fresh turkey
1/2 stick of butter, softened
1 tablespoon fresh or 1 teaspoon dried sage and thyme
1 tablespoon lemon zest
Stock(turkey, chicken or vegetable)
Salt and pepper

Directions

Set oven to 350 degrees. Remove turkey from fridge 2 hours prior to cooking. Rinse and pat dry with paper towels. If needed remove any parts remaining in body cavity. Loosen skin. Mix butter, herbs, zest and salt and pepper. Spread half if butter mixture underneath the skin and remaining half on top. Sprinkle with salt and pepper. Pour 1 cup of stock in the bottom of the roasting pan. Place turkey on roasting rack in pan. Cook 13 minutes per pound, until temperature registers 165 on a meat thermometer. Remove turkey from oven every 30 minutes and baste with pan juices, adding more stock as needed. Rotate pan position in the oven with each basting to ensure turkey browns evenly. If you choose to stuff your turkey, ensure stuffing also reaches 165 degrees.

I received some questions about my comment regarding what an expectant mother could get a baby. So here’s my list. Keep in mind, my baby is only 2 months old at this point, so this list may grow further down the line.

1. The Arms Reach Cosleeper. We have the mini. I absolutely love this thing. It’s like a bassinet, but it slides right up next to the bed(it even attaches with straps under the mattress). We have a king size bed, which is slightly high, so it sits just lower then the bed, and the mattress acts as its fourth wall. I can sleep with my hand on her if I want, I can easily scoop her up to nurse in the middle of the night and I can hear her breathing all night long. For a nervous mother of a babe with health issues, this thing is phenomenal.

2. The Boba Wrap. This is similar to the Moby, however the fabric is supposed to be more breathable. I am realllly glad we picked this one, as a baby with a heart condition gets sweaty quite easily. She loves her wrap. I put her in it to go to the store and she instantly calms. She takes long naps in it, and it allows me to go about my day, hands free. Some people say this type of wrap is too complicated. Not true! After two uses I had tying it down. It also makes unwanted touching nearly impossible. What’s up with that anyway? Touching a strangers baby is just plain wrong. Don’t do it.

3. SwaddleMe blankets. Baby straight jackets as I call them. At first I was obsessed with Aden+Anais swaddling blankets. I still love them for nursing, or wrapping her during the day, but this little Houdini gets out of a regular swaddle in no time at all these days. SwaddleMe blankets velcro in all the right places and make escaping quite difficult. Not that she doesn’t keep trying.

4. A baby swing. We have this one from fisher price. It has different speeds and vibrates. It plays obnoxious music too if you want, but I ignore that feature. I love this one because its light weight and compact, which means it can go anywhere including the kitchen table when we’re eating dinner, the bathroom floor while I take a bath, and the coffee table while I eat a snack. Warning: calming vibrations may cause extra messy diaper blowouts. It’s ok though because your baby will like their butt jiggled so much you won’t care.

5. This baby monitor. Ok so it’s not a baby monitor. It’s an app. It may be the best $3.99 I have ever spent. After trying numerous free versions I decided to shell out the money for this one, and it is genius. It works with 2 iOS devices(iPhone, iPad, etc…) over wifi. The video quality is amazing. There’s a feature to turn on the microphone on the device you place with the baby and speak to them. It works well in extremely low light, and will run in the background while you check email or use the internet. Similar video monitors sell in stores for upwards of $100.

It’s a short list. Like I said she’s only 2 months old, so I’m certain it will grow. If you have any fresh new babes on your Xmas list I highly recommend any of these, or if you’re expecting a little one. So far being a mom is the best thing I have ever done, like I was born for the sole purpose of being this child’s mother, these things helped to make it all just a little bit easier.

Oh, by the way I promise to get back to writing about food soon. I may be just slightly obsessed with this baby these days, and haven’t been throwing my all into cooking and baking. I’m hosting thanksgiving this year, so I’m sure I will have interesting things to share shortly,

I am not one of those people obsessed with documenting baby’s first… I was given numerous gifts to do so, but have yet to open them. I do however photograph this child’s every move. For me, it means a lot more to make a handmade baby book out of a beautiful sketch book I bought years ago but never had a special enough use for. Well she sure is special.

So with Christmas coming up there is a baby’s first I have been thinking about. Baby’s first Christmas present. I tend to shy away from large displays of grandeur for the holidays. I find one thoughtful gift to be so much more meaningful then a large display of consumerism. I prefer homemade things, books, clothing or jewelry from local stores. My little babe will only be 3 months old this holiday season, so that rules out food. There’s always clothes(can I tell you how obsessed I am with the kids clothes at Playthings?). But really, a 3 month old doesn’t care what she wears. There’s toys,however I have promised her we buy a stuffed animal from the gift shop at the hospital on every visit, including appointments, and well, so far we have four, and two more appointments scheduled. There are books, but I know my mother, the writer will have that covered. I read somewhere you should get your child something you want, something they want, and something they need. That sounds good…but I’m still not sure what those things are. I could tell an expectant mother what to get as I have my favorite baby things, but I already have those. So what does one get a brand new babe for Christmas? I’ll find out and let you know!

That’s what I like to call her. She’s 5 weeks old tomorrow and amazing. I’ve neglected to post anything as I’ve been quite busy doing a whole lot of nothing, taking care of this perfect child. Unfortunately I’ve been doing it locked away in a hospital room as she was born with a rare heart condition.

She is the strongest person I have ever met and we will be home eventually, settling into life with this sweet babe, and cooking and baking again. For now I leave you with photos of this amazing child and some delicious treats I made before having her.

There were pumpkin muffins, that were really more like a cupcake.

I made, and devoured an amazing apple pie, which I am planning on making again once were home and posting the recipe.

And finally there were little loafs of bread. Banana and brown butter apple cinnamon. I froze half of each of these and they’ve come in quite handy of our short visits home.

Until further notice, I am busy loving up this beautiful creature. Eventually we’ll be home, she’ll be strapped in her baby carrier on my chest and I’ll be baking up delicious goodies.

I’m 41 weeks pregnant right now. 41 weeks. That my friends is overdue. I stopped working this week since I passed my due date and sitting at a desk all day was killing my body. And no, I haven’t had the baby yet and no I don’t know when I’m going to and no I’m not being induced anytime soon and yea I’m sick of being pregnant! So let’s all just forget I’m pregnant for a minute(please?!!!) and talk about custard.

I saw this recipe on smitten kitchen’s blog a week or so ago and have been drooling over it ever since. As my husband accurately stated after I made it “you really love creamy desserts don’t you?”. And the answer is yes, yes I do. Puddings, custards, ice creams, creme brûlée, panna cotta. Pretty much anything with cream and some thickening agent makes me quite happy. There’s something so simple and elegant about these types of desserts that I am just fascinated by. It may go back to the habit I had as a child of drinking the creamer cups from every table in every restaurant I encountered.

This custard recipe is simple and quick. There are few ingredients and it sets up fast as well. It will keep for a few days in the fridge however is best eaten the same day or the next day. Any longer and the custard tends to soften up a bit more then I like. This custard would probably also make a pretty fine ice cream base. I doubled the original recipe as I knew I wanted more then it offered, so if you only want a bit go ahead and half the recipe back down. As is this will make 6 servings.

Vanilla Custards with Roasted Berries

Adapted from smitten kitchen

Ingredients

2 cups whole milk
Seeds and pod from 1 vanilla bean
6 large egg yolks
1/2 cup granulated sugar
6 tablespoons all-purpose flour
4 tablespoons unsalted butter

Roasted Berries

2 cups fresh berries of your choosing
1/4 cup sugar
1 tablespoon honey

Directions

1. For the berries: Preheat oven to 375 degrees. In a medium baking dish combine berries, sugar and honey. Roast 12-15 minutes until berries produce juice and wilt down a bit.

2. For the custards: In a medium saucepan combine milk and vanilla bean seeds and pod. Heat over medium until steaming. In another pan whisk together egg yolks and sugar until pale yellow and slightly thickened. Whisk in flour. Strain milk mixture to remove vanilla pod and slowly add to egg mixture whisking constantly, starting with about 1/4 cup at a time. Once thinned add the rest in a slow stream until fully incorporated. Return to heat and cook until bubbles begin to form, whisking constantly. At this point the custard will begin to thicken, continue whisking for 1-2 more minutes and remove from heat. Pour through a metal sieve to remove any lumps. Add butter while still hot and mix throughly. Divide equally among 6 serving dishes, allow to cool slightly and place in the fridge. Let set at least 6 hours. To serve top each custard with 1-2 tablespoons of roasted berries.