A portrait of my child, once a week, every week in 2013

It’s hard to believe that there are only 2 short weeks left of this year. This year we spent getting to know this girl. Watching her grow. And change. And become the amazing little person she is today. She is officially a toddler now. Seeing her walk is so bittersweet for me. The last of her babyhood left behind, replaced by a little toddling toddler. She doesn’t look like a baby walking around, she looks like a little girl. Selfishly it’s hard for me to accept. But I am so proud of her. Seeing the joy on her face as she realizes she can walk everywhere she wants to go. It makes my heart sing for her.

I’ve been debating on how to approach this project next year. I know I will be participating again, but am trying to decide if I have it in me to do a 365 project. A photo a day. I would love to challenge myself to make an image I am proud of on a daily basis. I photograph her almost daily as is, but not always with awareness or intent. I would love to do the project, it’s just the commitment I’m having a bit of a struggle with. I suppose I have two weeks to decide.

Last week my favorite image was of another little girl, peering out the window.

The recipes have been seriously lacking in this space lately. I’ve been cooking and baking, but not as much, and definitely not when there’s beautiful light available for photographing. As this child becomes a toddler, it’s harder to set aside a chunk of time to make something lovely. I’m also at work during dinner time 4 days out of the week so that too complicates things. I’m hoping to dedicate some of this weekend to making and prepping food for the week so it’s easier to have things ready to go on week nights.

I did somehow manage to throw this crisp together one Sunday before heading to dinner at my parents. I had bought a pineapple, with visions of making some sort of pineapple cream cake when this came to me. Warm sweet pineapple cooked with pears and mangoes, topped with a crunchy oat crumble and fresh whipped cream. It was perfect. Comforting. So good. A slight deviation from the crisps that adorn many tables this season, but a surprisingly wonderful one. Make this. I promise it won’t disappoint.Pineapple Mango Pear Crisp

Ingredients

For the filling:
2 cups chopped fresh pineapple
2 ripe mangoes, chopped
2 ripe pears, chopped
2 tablespoons brown sugar
1 teaspoon cinnamon

For the topping:
1/2 cup whole wheat flour
1/2 cup cold unsalted butter, diced
1/2 cup rolled oats
1/4 cup brown sugar
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
1/4 teaspoon ginger
1/4 teaspoon salt

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease a 8×8 glass baking dish. Make the filling: in a large bowl combine pineapple, mango, pear, brown sugar and cinnamon. Pour into baking dish.

2. In a large bowl mix flour and butter until mixture is crumbly and butter is the size of peas. Add oats, brown sugar, cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger and salt. Sprinkle over top of fruit mixture. Bake for 25-30 minutes until topping is golden brown. Cool slightly, and serve with freshly whipped cream. Vanilla ice cream would be great as well.

A portrait of my child, once a week, every week in 2013

This week was rough. Rough on this girl. And rough, might be putting it mildly. Somehow in the wee hours of Tuesday morning she managed to pop her elbow out of socket. Her and I were up for a few hours at 2 am before I realized she wasn’t using her arm at all. By 7 am I realized a visit to the doctor was in order. By 8 we were on our way to the ER, since our office couldn’t be sure they could fix it, and couldn’t get us in for 2 more hours. We spent 4 miserable hours in the ER, getting X-rays, and loads of tears at the sight of each new person, only for them to say they must have popped in back in during the exam. Ugh.

Thursday the poor kid(who now walks!!) was dancing like she does, and lost her balance. Face, meet coffee table. Bloody lip and tears ensue. She was fine shortly there after, however I made the mistake of still giving her a pacifier at bedtime. 45 minutes later she woke up screaming with a very swollen and painful looking lip. Luckily some Tylenol and a pear to eat solved the problem.

Toddlers are amazing. And so scary. She is a walking accident waiting to happen. Everything is dangerous for her now. Everything. And she seems to know it, and seek out the things most dangerous. I’m hoping she doesn’t inherit my knack for injuring myself. Learning to allow her to have the space to grow yet still protect her is something I fear I will struggle with for the rest of my life. I never realized how fitting the term toddler was until I had one.

My favorite photo this week was this little girl painting.

A portrait of my child, once a week, every week in 2013

Staring out the window, one of her favorite places to be, shouting “dog” loudly every few minutes.

We hosted Thanksgiving at our house this year, and although she was already here last year it felt like her first Thanksgiving for us because she got to eat! For a family so passionate about food that’s a big deal. We ate earlier then she normally does so she wasn’t really interested in eating with everyone, but once everyone left she went to town. I swear the kid spent a good 30 minutes straight eating, and went nuts for the pumpkin pie. As other parents already know, having a child makes the holidays pretty damn awesome.

Last week my favorite was this black and white of two tiny dancers.

A portrait of my child, once a week, every week in 2013

We went to Target the other day, for the first time in a while. They had these gifts books out for the holidays, puppies, dogs, cats. She spent our whole shopping tripping flipping through the one on puppies. Sadly the book was ridiculously overpriced(seriously Target? $19.99?), so we snuck the book out of her arms before hitting the checkout.

She is inches away from walking. She’s taken a few tentative steps here and there, but seems to prefer the speed of crawling. Her vocabulary has gotten bigger too. I can discern dog, book, and duck although to most they probably sound the same. She’s had mama and papa for quite sometime, and recently has repeated single words here and there, buckled after being strapped in to her car seat, Rocky after I say our dogs name. She can tell you what sound a dog, cat and cow make. She’s growing by leaps and bounds daily and it’s an amazing process to witness. Even when the teeth trying to make their way out keep her up until 11:45.

My favorite from last week comes from a frequent favorite. This girl, in black and white is quite stunning.

I swear one of these days I will post a recipe, but for now I’m too obsessed with photographing this growing toddler.

This past week we spent a day at the children’s hospital. It was a routine, scheduled visit, but it was extremely taxing. I’ve talked about my girls heart before but she also has an issue with her kidneys, called hydronephrosis. She has vesicoreutal reflux, meaning a bit of urine goes backwards towards her kidney. It’s very mild and they believe will self correct with time. The doctors are simply monitoring it. So this last Friday, she had the unfortunate experience of being drugged up to be catheterized, have her bladder pumped full of sterile dye and x-rayed. She wasn’t allowed food or drink before the procedure, which she handled surprisingly well. However once at the hospital the tears began to flow. We were there for 4 hours total, and she spent 75% of that crying. Being a mama who does not let her child cry, does not believe in cry it out, that was extremely rough. She did not sleep at all while there either, and was exhausted. There was about a 30 minute span where she was totally stoned from the medication where she enjoyed herself. They gave her a moving light up toy and she was like a hippie on acid. Other then that she was miserable.

I struggle with days like this. I went into pregnancy expecting an intervention free birth, preparing to vaccinate sparingly and hoping to be hands off medicinally.

Then she came and her perfect little heart was broken and I was terrified. I had to put all of my hope and trust into a medical community I previously feared. I had to believe they would save my baby. And they did. And ever since I have listened to almost everything they have told me.

On days like this I wonder if I should question more. Refuse tests. Decline procedures. I wonder if any of this related to her kidneys and bladder was even necessary. If she will simply outgrow it. If so many kids have it and don’t even know, because they didn’t have abdominal ultrasounds at birth. Then why was all of this necessary? Her results came back in favor of her outgrowing the issue, the reflux now gone, the hydronephrosis lessening. I question myself, and my decisions for my child. Was putting her through all of that worth it? But it comes down to trust. And trust these doctors and nurses I must. Without that I am left with far more questions. So I give in and let them take control. We’re lucky. We live in a community with amazing hospitals, researchers, doctors and nurses. They are always up on current research, and much more progressive then you might expect. So trust them I do, and hope that they continue to deserve that trust.

Here’s a glimpse of what that day looked like. These photos don’t tell the entire story, as most were taken in the few moments we weren’t busy comforting her.

A portrait of my child, once a week, every week in 2013

We had a very full week, had her first dentist appointment and spent some(planned) time at the hospital. It was a long week and I’m glad it’s over. I’ll post more about it later. For now I leave you with with this girls giant cheeks.

My favorite last week can be found here.

A portrait of my child, once a week, every week in 2013

I am so grateful we have still been lucky enough to have some warmth left in the air. Soon the snow will start to fall, the golden afternoons will have left us and we will be huddled indoors for the coming months. But these last precious beautiful afternoons are more then I could have hoped for.

This photo may be my favorite of the series. It is everything I love of fall and this child all wrapped up into one. The leaves, her skin, those cheeks, her eyes. I am her mother so I must find her beautiful, but in this photo she is simply stunning.

With the few weeks left in this project I am hoping to make better and better images. We shall see if I accomplish this task.

My favorite last week was this sleeping babe.

A portrait of my child, once a week, every week in 2013

I’m feeling especially grateful again this week. For so many things. The wonderful people in our life, the gorgeous fall weather that is hanging around, my husband who learned how to make brownies this weekend, and of course, this girl.

This week she had her 1 year follow up with the brain clinic. In our health care system it’s standard for all kids with heart issues like hers to be followed developmentally until they’re six. So off to the clinic we go, where people far smarter then I watch her play and decide if she’s developing normally, and on track with her peers. And although I had no worries that she wasn’t on track, hearing a professional tell me she is perfectly normal is a great feeling. Reading about other kids like her, understanding that periods of low oxygen saturation can impact brain development, it’s hard not to wonder sometimes. But she did fantastic. She scored particularly high in language, something those of us who know her well were not surprised by. This kid likes to talk. And she learns words so rapidly, she seems to understand everything we say. Of all the ways she’s not like other kids, I was so relieved to find this was one way she was.

This week my favorite photo can be found here.