“A portrait of my child, once a week, every week in 2013”

This week has been filled with frustration, kitchen failures and not enough time. I can’t imagine what going back to work full time would have been like, part time is hard enough for me. Each day I desperately want to just stay home, but I do as I’m supposed to and keep going back.

This child has stolen my heart. More and more each day. Being away from her every day has made me almost crazed to spend time with her. She has become so dependent on me that other mothers might be irritated if they were in my shoes. She wasn’t always this way, in fact when we first brought her home, she was so independent, almost fiercely so. She liked to sleep in her own little bed, to fall asleep on her own, and to simply be, without too much interference from us. I chalked it up to spending weeks in that hospital bed, unable to be held at first, and learning how to self soothe. I think all of the holding, and cuddling I did upon bringing her home was a bit more for me then her. And now she needs to be cuddled to sleep, she refuses to stay asleep unless I’m near, and she wants to be held as much as possible. It does make bedtime a long process, usually resulting in me going to bed earlier then I planned, but seeing how she reaches out and clings on to me in her sleep makes it impossible to mind.

She will be six months old this week. Half of a year. It seems so long and so short at the same time. I can’t remember what life was like before her, yet it seems like just yesterday she was a tiny floppy newborn. Again, I love the light in this photo. I’ve always been partial to the afternoon light that streams through a window on an overcast day. I noticed while playing on the couch with her how much bigger she’s gotten, yet how she’s still so small. That relative size startles me at times, as I don’t always notice how quickly she’s grown. And that red hair. My little ginger baby. I love that tiny dusting of red hair on her head that grows ever so slowly.

This week I loved the portraits on petitebiet. Especially the expression of a new big sister with her tiny baby brother next to her.

Next week will be 12 weeks into 2013 already. That’s only 40 left. I promise to throw some recipes in here occasionally once I get my routine down again. These days I’ve just been burning sugar, and making bad ice cream. Sooner or later I’ll make something good.