The only time she played today, after a dual dose of Tylenol and Motrin. 101 degrees or higher is what she’s been sporting most of the day.
Some days are harder then others. This being a mom business. It’s a balancing act. I’m lucky, I don’t even work full time, yet some days I find going to work to be an almost excrutiating process. It’s always little things. Small, unimportant moments that pull at my heart. Like today. She’s getting more teeth. Like A LOT more teeth. She has two that are hugely swollen and about to pop through at any moment, and 4-6 more working their way up as well. So she’s been a little cranky. I decided to give her some tylenol before I left for work today, hoping it would keep her a happy girl while I was gone. BAD idea. She got sooo mad, had a melt down, cried so hard she turned blue, choked and vomited. All 10 minutes before I had to leave for work. Ugh. By the time I left she was a smiling happy girl again(thanks to the ipad, google and photos of dogs). It’s still so hard for me to shake days like today. Knowing that she doesn’t feel great, and that my presence could make it easier for her(and well, me). I know some people would say I am too attached to my kid. I know some people HAVE said that I’m too attached. That I’m creating an unhealthy attachment for her. I still believe, and will continue to believe that they are wrong. That by making sure she feels as loved and secure as possible now, I am fostering confidence in her which will allow her to be the fiercly independent child I already see evolving.
And then when normal baby things happen I start to worry about her little heart. I can’t help it. She’s such a happy girl that when she’s not it terrifies me. I forget about her heart sometimes because she seems so normal. It makes this whole parenting thing that much harder sometimes. It makes me wish I would have had the foresight in my youth to become a nurse or a doctor. As mothers we worry about our child, but when there’s reason to it becomes even more frightening at times.
That cupcake in her hand plays Girls Just Want To Have Fun. She presses the button over and over again.
It’s strange how time changes you. I remember as a child hating, loathing listening to John Denver with my grandmother. Now when my child demands to listen to the cd of Country Roads included with the picture book, what I feel is decidedly different. A mix of nostalgia, sadness and wonder. Wondering what life was really like for the woman I called Grandma. I only knew her for a fraction of her life. She had children much younger then I, as most of her generation did. I wonder what she felt as she met her husband, when she had her babies, when he died far too young. It makes me grateful, that some day my daughter will have this, to serve as a record of her early years. As document of who I was. Being a mother has changed me in ways I couldn’t even fathom. Some times I feel like an entirely separate person from the girl I was before I met this child. She’s made me appreciate those I call family in ways I can’t describe.
This fella is leaving the snow covered Midwest for the warm south. She(and I) will miss him. He has becomes one of the few regular visitors she’s really grown truly fond of, a relationship I’ve enjoyed watching grow. Travel safe Uncle Ty, you’re sure to get a Facetime call from a certain toddler soon.